Here is what has been on my mind lately,


And not surprisingly, it has been breast cancer! I had an appointment with my oncologist, Dr. Peacock, yesterday and he seemed surprised that I was open to a double mastectomy. He told us that my cancer was a recurrence of my initial breast cancer of 2014, and also that this type of cancer showed a high likelihood of returning, just based on the type of cancer it is. Not really surprised, but he immediately told me that having a double mastectomy would be a sure way to remove the chance of recurrence of breast cancer! He also told me that because my MS, or rather having had it for so long, that my doctors will not want to treat it as aggressively as they would if I didn’t have MS. Now I need to make an appointment with my breast surgeon to discuss if I want immediate reconstruction or what? I need to ask if I will still need radiation, or not? Do I want the skin saving operation, or not? Aauugghh! Please, just take my breasts away, and I don’t care how my clothes fit my post-mastectomy body!! My breasts have served their purposes. They fed my two daughters for almost two years each, which was supposedly supposed to help me NOT to get breast cancer!

I’ve never been one to take pride in my appearance excessively. I don’t think I would mind not having a bosom, but who knows? Maybe I would miss my future grandchildren laying their heads down against my cushion-ey breasts to sleep, or maybe I wouldn’t! I just know that removing my breasts entirely would give me peace of mind that breast cancer will not be my downfall!! I think that I have already made the decision for myself, it’s just hard for me to say the actual words! I need my husband, daughters, and family even more than I’ve needed them before, but I know that God will be with me, no matter what!

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